First day of high school for Kaitlyn and middle school for Gillian

Reminiscent of the FIRST first day of school for both of them.  Kaitlyn says it's her "worst day ever".  I think it's a bit of 14yr. old drama.  I'm worried about her in the school after hearing what she has to say.  It's called "the pharmacy".  Oh. My. God.  Scary indeed.

Gillian loves middle school.  Especially no uniforms and many lunch choices.  Oh it's the little things.  She's really excited to do orchestra.  She wants to play the viola.  She is so full of chatter about her teachers and classes.  It's cool to hear.  She tells me that she is in a math class with 39 kids.  Yes, I said 39 kids.  In a portable! 

I'm quite melancholy about today.  I'd love to rewind time and be more available...in the past.  I'm truly aware and present (I think) now.  It's just a little bit unnerving to know that the girls and I both were the ones that lost out of the drives to school, various awards and mother/daughter muffin days.  Yes I managed to get to some of them but not nearly as many as the rat. 

Ben "poops the pottie", Tahoe and Girls leaving

Ben poops in the potty.  Literally a log.  Probably TMI, but totally true.  He didn't like it at all either.  He cried, but it was probably the better considering he crosses his legs and twists himself and then cries while he holds it in.  Poor little guy just hasn't put it together that it is so much easier when sitting on the potty.  Hopefully it's the beginning of not buying diapers for 4 kids.

Went to Tahoe on Thursday (8/12).  It was a glorious day!  We couldn't have asked for a better day!  So lucky for us for sure.  I'm so glad to be a part of RTT to connect with my peeps, but it also helps to have a bit of a hookup for the Tahoe MS Dixie cruise.  It was fabulous!  We boated out to Emerald Bay.  So, so beautiful.  We enjoyed being in a great space that allowed

Girl leave on 8/13.  Wow.  So hard for me.  It never gets easier.  The girls both want to live here.  Then when they say it, they get guilt ridden text messages back.  Like "I must be a terrible father...I guess I should take back those Lakers tickets".  Wow...really?  You really think it's appropriate for a father to blame his children for not wanting to live with him?  Kaitlyn has been real clear for months.  Gillian took it upon herself to mail JF a letter explaining her position.  He just rejected it and said that it was because she was here in Reno that she felt that way.  He also tells her that the judge decided and that's the way it is.  Funny how it's changed from him supporting what they want (when they wanted to live in Vegas) to "that's the way it is" when they want to be in Reno.  What a gem.  Blaming the kids.  Rock on JF!  What a rat bastard.  I'm certain he thinks I put the ideas in their heads.  Little does he know that buying them everything doesn't buy love and family.  HELLLLOOOO! But no, he cannot think that way.

Gary potties all by himself despite a day of chaos. Ryan has first finger cut.

This is so worthy of a post.  Gary totally took off his own diaper tonight and then after trying to get off the potty for like 10 minutes while evening chaos was happening, he said "Gary peed".  All was quiet for a second and then I ran over to look.  OH MY GOSH!  He did it all by himself.  Praise for the star of the evening all around!  Gary was awesome!  Hopefully this is the start of the potty training going in a positive direction.  Instead of four M&Ms for sitting for 5 minutes, Gary got to go in and grab a HUGE handful.  He deserved every one! 

This is so special today because Gary did it all by himself.  Special for me because it was a sunny spot in a rather dark day.  Changes at work...potentially.  Ryan gets a cut finger when Gary finds scissors.  It's Ryan's first boo boo and boy he was very dramatic.  Brandi had to leave for a potentially bad family situation, girls were all over the map.  All during the workday mind you.  Now it's after 5p (and I have NO wine on hand). Ben had a meltdown for like 2 hours and Gary had his one hour tantrum right in the middle.  Screaming...jumping up and down...kicking and more screaming.  Carter was hungry.  Went to throw salmon on the grill for dinner...no propane.  Gotta run to the store.  Chip asked if I was going to take Carter.  No I said.  Lots of mommy guilt for me.  Come back after a quick trip to Raleys.  Boys still freaked out.  Carter is hungry and really wants some attention (after all he IS the baby).  Feed the boys, who don't enjoy my salmon that I needed to go to the grocery store to cook.  Ben's eyes are swollen.  Little boys are in the 'zone for jammies.  Gary then hits the potty...nice way to end.  :)  Finally at 8:15 boys go to bed.  After whining that it's dark, needing to be wrapped up and 10 kisses later.  Oh yeah, Ben got benadryl because his eye still looked swollen.  While tuck in happens Carter is still crying for attention. 

Chip and I head downstairs and try to think about having dinner ourselves with the girls.  Girls are outside hangin' in the cul-de-sac.  Makes me happy, but I can't believe it's after 8p.  Ex would have a heyday with that.  Lost medication is also a topic.  However will I explain that?  Oh yeah, both of them lost their cell phones too.  More to think about before they go to Vegas on Friday. 

We managed to "sorta" eat together.  Girls start first, try to make the salmon work.  Chip and I sit down and Carter needs one of us.  He just wants some attention!  The little guy is SO good.  Carter has gas and we are always checking his poops...are they soft?  Hard?   

All of it just feels so mismanaged.  I want this to be different.  I want us to sit and eat and have some family time together.  Chip and I are exhausted.  Tomorrow is another day.  However, during that day I really do have to do some work that they pay me for.  I've never felt so squeezed in my life.  Add the X stress and wow...how do we manage. 

Awesome weekend - Farmers Market, HAN, and Carson

We had a great and very full day.  Made homemade blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast.  I made an extra batch for the week.  All of the kids love my fresh made with organic blueberries pancakes.  Then we packed everyone up in two cars and went off to farmer's market at west street.  Since we were already downtown we headed toward the Silver Legacy to enjoy (my first time) Hot August Nights cruise down Virginia.  The boys really liked it, except Ryan held his hand over his ears the whole time.  The cars were so cool.  It reminded me a little of the excitement my mom and dad felt this time of year.  Bittersweet.  Sweet that I now understand why they enjoyed it so much.  Sweet that the kids could see it.  Very sad that he isn't here to see it with them.  It was odd that I thought about this as our next adventure would be centered around my dad too. 

We made it back to the parking lot by the farmers market.  Chip and I were just thinking about what else we could squeeze in since we were already out and about.  We decided to spontaniously head to Carson City.  As we were driving into Carson, I pointed out to Kaitlyn that Grandpa had passed away at Carson Tahoe Medical Center.  This building is always a negative sight for me.  She didn't say much and we moved on.  I would later be surprised when she posted a comment on her FB page.

Grabbed Port of Subs and Mickey Ds and went to the capitol.  The grounds are so green and beautiful.  Boys had a blast jumping around.  Carter and I loved it because it was very shaded.  Very quiet on a weekend.  It was a great place to let them "runaround". 

Gillian and I had a great chat about where she wanted to live, being torn about seeing us.  Loving being around her brothers and how meaningful it would be to live here and go to school in Reno.  She loves all that there is to do here but hates that she has to choose.  There was commentary from her that she knows her dad always has to win.  That just made my heart sad.  Sad for her and if I didn't hate him so much, sad for him. Kaitlyn came up and asked if she was ok and gave her a hug.  Despite their teenager fights these girls love each other and are good to the core.  I'd like to think I've shown them to love and the value of family.

Made it home and finished up four loads of laundry.  The days are full and exhausting but it's worth every minute.  By the end of the day I wonder how I can sleep enough and do it again.  It's really hard but our family is special.