Painful loss and hearing the decision

3/10 - Memories of the decision...even now, it's no totally clear. The screaming items that are still so painful is that we pay, pay, pay. $1,320 a month child support. John gets to only go back 3 years for his child support arrears. We pay health insurance, we pay all travel,

On trial and the tragic state of the legal system

2/24 - I wanted to jot down some memories of court. It's been 30 days to the day today. The mood is lighter but the pain runs deep. Not just for me, but for Chip too. We stayed at Deann and Carlos house. Surprisingly that morning of court I felt confident. A strange calm that had been far different from the November court date. We ate a McDonald's breakfast and headed to the courthouse. We met with Chuck and went over some details. I asked a few insignificant questions that seemed important at the time. Up we went to court. John's attorney was late...surprise surprise...NOT. Prokopius is such a slime. It was a good feeling to watch John sit there by himself. Finally, 20 min. late Prokopius showed. He said he was in another court with a "quick matter" at 8:30 that made him late. Whatever!!! We began with Chuck going first. He called John to testify and attempted to pick his financial irresponsibilities apart. John seemed unruffled as he said it was all left to his account. How convenient is that? John was composed. He said his concerns were my drinking...all the bottles on the curb for recycling...wow...nice that we have a conscience about the environment considering we are alcoholics....interesting. John said Gillian said I wasn't throwing up as much. He talked about Fred and Celia being in our home and mom being a bad influence. He said I was erratic and not organized. He said that I didn't give them what they needed. That Kaitlyn and I had a troubled relationship. That Kaitlyn didn't want to come to Reno. Said I had a preference for Gillian. Prokopius didn't ask any questions back. He reserved them for later in the afternoon. Diane D'Amore then appeared. She was so stupid. Said the same crap as her deposition. That so much of John's unusual, warped past "wasn't relevant". We had to pay her 1k for 2 hours of working/waiting. That is the biggest racket ever. She has no problem taking people's money. Unbelievable. It was great to hear that the girls would thrive and she repeatedly, without coaxing, said "I never said Sherri was a bad mother". She admitted the girls would thrive either place. Basically her opinion was...it ain't broke, don't fix it. Pathetic indeed. Chip then testified. Chuck questioned his role, his opinions and job situation. Chuck talked about our failed Quiznos and the financial ramifications of that. Prokopius asked a few questions back. The only one that was compelling was "who are you going home with?", indicating that Chip would always side with me because he is my spouse. God, John's lawyer is was slimy. After his testimony, Chip could stay and watch the rest of the proceedings. We had a quick lunch and then it was my turn. I answered questions calmly and tried to interject more than just yes or now. We were all over the map. Child support, the kid, my job, the boys...I evaded him well on the topic of the boys. Prokopius said he must be a handful. My reply was "we have a great support system". Take that you jackass. I had no issues with John's attorney. It was the judges line of questioning that made me feel insecure. She asked if I would split them up, what schedule I would want and why I did a few things. Although it made sense in my head, my answers seemed insecure, garbled, unsure. I was trying to communicate that I was up for negotiation and none of it came out right. I talked about John's controlling ways...his making medical decisions without consulting me. His underhanded ways he'd do things to control me.

Ben says cookie and mom heads to Alaska

3/8 - Ben says cookie!!! The boys are doing great. 18 mos. old today. Time has certainly flown by. Mom went to Alaska for a couple of weeks to see Artis, whose cancer has spread to the lungs and possibly her bones. It was very spontaneous and only somewhat understandable. Based on the circumstances of Gary's death she wants to see Artis alive. Very understandable. It's also amazing to hear what she felt and saw there. People rolling their own cigarettes because they can't afford them. Bodies that break down like Steve's, preventing him from going up the stairs to bed. Meth eating away the lives of people who know no better. Sad really...she also saw tremendous beauty in the mountains, snow and the people she hadn't seen in such a long time. She also, in my opinion kept the past the past by not going to Kasilof.

Fred and Celia were available to take over until mom came back which was good.