Ah the joys of having a new baby, crazy emotions and lots of things going on. Life is complicated right now. Throw in very little sleep and well it's sort of a mess.
While I'm on maternity leave it has also been an opportunity to begin to clean up our house and our messes. The other "must be dealt with" messes are 3 houses that we can't sell and with the child support issues we will no longer be able to pay the mortgages unless we do something drastic. Chip and I have decided the drastic and least damaging would be to do a short sale. The complicated piece is that although we're losing a significant amount of money, 2 of the 3 properties are rented. What to do about those families? Where is the line?
Primarily all of the disaster is due to the court issues we've had. There are other factors like getting a bill for $300.00 from our landscaper at one of the houses that we are being fined by the homeowners association. So, let me find some sort of logic in the fines of $1,500.00 for a "dead lawn" on an occupied property...
All of it makes me want to run away screaming. Especially the business with the state. I finally get my caseworker on the phone who basically treats me as a criminal.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I married a RAT...the first time around!
This post is long and full of bitterness....
Basically, my ex called the state to collect child support because I didn't respond fast enough to his inquiries...he never put a time limit, but that didn't enter into the conversation. I shouldn't be surprised because that's how he operates. However, as of July 6, my drivers license will be revoked.
This is an email string between my rat ex and myself regarding child support. The carroted statements are by him and you can see the interjection of my comments in between...it's a rough cut of the emails. First piece is my initial email to him and the 2nd piece is his response and then I interjected thoughts that I responded back to him with.
; -----Original Message-----
From: Sherri Mcvey [mailto:sherri@metaforge.net] Sent: Friday, June 18, 2010 4:44 PM
To: J.F.
Subject: Child Support
J.,
We need to have a discussion about the child support. I'm about to outline a couple of items and I would hope that you would think back to my own generosity to you over the years, especially considering the money that you still owe me and that you did not pay child support for so long.
Here's the situation...
1. I don't understand why you wouldn't work with me directly and that you would involve the state in our business, especially regarding child support. There is absolutely no good reason for this and frankly has held up so many things. However, since you have, if I pay you, according to the paperwork that I received, my payments won't count.
2. I have responded to all the paperwork by the state asking for a payment plan and yet, on July 6, they will revoke my driver's license due to lack of payment. I also responded to the wage garnishment, which is totally ridiculous but if that makes you happy, then fine, but as you will see below, there are other items to be addressed. Consequently, I did get the notification of wage garnishment, however, no garnish has ever occurred. The state has all of my employer info, so this should not be an issue. Besides that my attorney said all they have to do is pull up my social security number and they can access anything they want. I have faxed all the information and yet, no one will call me back from the state. I just get nasty letters about what I haven't done, which is not true. Again, you didn't work with me, so my choices are very limited.
3. I cannot afford to pay you the amount. Even though it's none of your business, our homes are going into foreclosure. We will try to short sell them, but with the Vegas economy, I feel as though it won't work. I would hope that you and I could come to an agreement that works for everyone without involving the state. If I could even pay you the full amount, the result would be that I cannot afford to fly the girls here and certainly we could not afford to do much while they were here. Right now, which, from my perspective is not the case for you, we have to think twice about ordering a pizza let alone trying to do something with the girls. They want to kayak this summer and I need to figure out a way that I can do it. All that said, if we can come to an agreement, we would set up an automatic bill pay to you.
> These are just the facts John. All of this has been unfortunate. I'm doing the best I can and will be more than happy to try to work something out. However, if my driver's license gets revoked, even after I have requested a payment plan via fax (which I'd be happy to supply to you) I would like you to explain why to the girls. You'll need to explain to them why Chip will be picking them up and taking them to the airport when I have done my due diligence to correct the situation with the state. Furthermore, if I can't drive, that impacts my job, which doesn't help the situation either.
In addition, if at all possible due to costs, I would not like to have to involve attorneys other than basic items or writing up paperwork. I simply can't afford to spend any more money.
I also received your bankruptcy information as did Chip. Why were both of us notified?
Please respond to this email in the next 5 days if possible with information about the state and/or your response.
Thanks
J.F. wrote:
June 22, 2010
Sherri,
This letter is in response to your June 18, 2010 email about child support.You start by reminding me of your generosity over the years including a loan
that you made to me and that I did not pay child support “for so long”. I
don’t think rehashing the past is generally productive, except, of course
that I do try to dwell on the good things you have done for me. That helps
me foster cordial feelings towards you so that we can more easily work together as good parents whose primary goal is the welfare of our daughters.I assume you do much the same.
My feedback...
The only reason I have any sort of connection to you is because of our daughters. I'm certain you're choosing to ignore/not rehash the past. Perhaps it's because you selectively remember things and it would require you to face the fact that I was generous and took the high road every time and DID NOT involve the state in our matters. Maybe that's just hard for you to remember because you have no inclination to do anything nice or good for me and was very quick to involve the state.
J.F.':
In any case, I gratefully acknowledge that you have at times been generous to me and I also For example, at the time of our divorce, I willingly agreed to pay all of your expenses for 2 years including all costs for a nearly new car that we had just purchased and all of your rent and utilities even though my attorney told me I need not, in fact should not, agree to such terms. When you moved to Reno, you took me to family court asking not only for full custody of our girls but also for repayment of arrears child support and the loan you made me.
My feedback...
I thought you didn't want to rehash the past. Hmmm. You bought your way out of the marriage. Pure and simple. Your choice. You were probably distracted with your sexual relationship with Jennifer. Its not my fault that you didn't follow your attorney's advice. Besides, it bought you a way to keep the business and the house. Don't forget those important details too. If you are still hung up on that, that sounds like your harbor quite ill feelings for me. You made the offer and I accepted. Little do people know who they are dealing with. I took you to family court because just as we went to mediation in the past, you are completely closed minded to anything but what JOHN wants. No matter how it impacts anyone else. That was clear from the first conversation that we had about where the girls would be that you were very unwilling to negotiate anything.
J.F.:
With the court order of March 10, 2009 any previous child support, insurance requests, etc. have been settled. You were awarded 18 months of the back child support you asked for. Said back child support that I owe was to be reduced by the monthly child support you owe me until my 18 months of back support were paid in full. That back child support I owed you was paid off during the first week of April 2010. The loan you made to me was not
included in that court order because you did not present data to support it.
My feedback...
The courts are charging me all the way back to January the full amount. If I could possibly get anyone on the phone perhaps I could correct that. I have sent a fax, but again no answer. Clearly you're saying this isn't your problem, but it really is. Until it gets straightened out so I can begin making some sort of payment (even though the child support office wants the full amount), you don't get paid. All I want is corrected numbers and clear answers. I was hopeful that you would be nice and work with me on the amount. My fault for again trying to work things out amicably.
J.F.:
In regards to your Item 1: You say that you wish that I would have contacted you directly about the child support you own me and not involved “the state in our business”. I did contact you directly to resolve this. On Sep 22, 2009 I mailed you a letter (see attached) with a spreadsheet detailing what I owed you and what you owe me. On October 2, 2009 I received an email from your husband Chip (see attached) stating my letter was received and he says he will get back with me. In that email he stated he would address 1/2 of the insurance (that was already brought up in court and resolved) as part of his review. I was married to you, not Chip, so I have no interest in dealing with him. That was last October and I have not heard from him (or you) about this matter since.
My feedback...
Chip carries the insurance. He has to get the information via his VPN system and his HR and have the documentation provided to us, which is what was said in court. I don't believe our order says there is a time limit on this. You could have also asked me to communicate with you, but his message was meant to try and work peacefully. I AM married to Chip and if I choose to let him/have him speak on my behalf, that is my choice. I was not aware that you were waiting for anything from me or that there was any time limit. I did get your spreadsheet and in fact submitted it to the child support office as back up to a) prove that I don't owe back to January and b) that I do believe it to be correct, except the health insurance stuff.
J.F.:
Rest assured that I also wish that we could have resolved this issue without my having had to go to the District Attorney for help. After waiting months for your reply, I felt I had no choice but to protect the girls’ interests as best I could. Contacting the District Attorney seemed and seems the best way for me to secure the court ordered child support.
My feedback...
I'm not quite understanding this piece of your message. Perhaps I'm too stupid to get it, but what were you expecting for a reply? Again, the insurance is not carried by me and I cannot control the time it takes to get documentation. How about letting me know that if whatever it is you wanted answered wasn't that you were going to the state? How about that courtesy? After all, I did bail you out of jail for child support non payment to Marie and oh yeah, you slept on our couch when you and Marie were fighting. Oh yeah, you also sued me for custody when you and Marie were married. So, apparently all of that was meaningless to you.
J.F.
In regards to your Item 2: You say that you have responded to the State with payment plans but it has made no reply. Furthermore, the State has said it will revoke your driver’s license on July 6 due to lack of payment of the child support. Also, you have received a notice of wage garnishment but no garnish has occurred to date. I, of course, cannot control how a state agency conducts their business. I do not have authority to tell them what to do. However, it is my understanding that they just want to see you paying on a regular basis.
While I can see why you want to establish a payment plan before you write a check, it seems that time is of the essence and making an attempt to pay something may well allow you to keep your license. Revoking your driver’s license is their punishment to get you to pay, not to get you to try to create a plan.
My feedback...
If I can't speak to anyone about garnishment or payment, what exactly do you expect me to do? You could control the situation by saying that you and I will work together to take care of the situation and take the state out of it. You could also attempt to assist me in getting help with the state. I don't see any sort of suggestion to that in this message, which may be a logical step in the right direction. Again, you show no generosity or assistance to me.
J.F.:
Since you are having trouble getting explanations or, for that matter, any response from the State, I will share the District Attorney's procedure in this case as the staff has explained it to me.
My feedback...
REALLY!?! That's interesting since I can't get my caseworker, Ms. Carpenter to speak to me, respond to a fax or get a call back. That's very interesting that they would lay out the process to you.
J.F.:
The Clark County District Attorney's office offers a public service to collect child support. Because you live out of jurisdiction of Clark County, they can only do a wage garnishment and/or ask the State to revoke your driver’s license. Should child support continue to not be paid after the drivers license revocation, the District Attorney will transfer this case to the Washoe County District Attorney's office, in your jurisdiction, and proceed to serve you for contempt of court to have you show cause for failure to pay child support. This would happen in the Reno court system, with a Reno judge deciding the outcome.
J.F.:
Well, I guess if I can't get anyone to reply, I'll have to wait for that and just endure a driver's license revocation. However, I will again remind you that no wage garnishment has occurred and they have me in arrears since January. There is no way for me to make that payment and the paperwork states that I must be caught up. So...what would you suggest? Also, not having a drivers license could potentially result in me losing my job since I can't go to meetings. I suppose that would put us back in court since then I would be generating no income.
J.F.:
In regards to your Item 3: I am sorry to hear of your financial issues. Unfortunately, I cannot negotiate a court ordered payment. It is what it is, by law. My suggestion is that you start sending something to the District Attorney on a regular basis.
My feedback...
You have control to remove the state from our situation. You could indeed negotiate a court ordered payment if you wanted to and paperwork could be filed. But again, you only are out for your interests. You and I both know this is possible. After all I said that you could have a short reprieve of child support and you didn't pay for over 5 years. So yes, it can be changed and negotiated. You and I can make any decision we want and have paperwork filed to show what we want. So, please don't insult my intelligence by saying otherwise.
J.F.:
Unfortunately, I too have been affected by the recession. You and Chip received the bankruptcy information because I listed the promissory note, and any/all non-child support amounts, as a debt to be considered for discharge. In the March 10, 2009 court order, the judge legally settled any/all past child support I owe you, and with this Chapter13 filing, any
non-child support related debt I may owe you up until June 9, 2010 will be
considered for discharge.
Lastly, in addition to the back child support you owe, we need to create a plan for the $3,500 judgment repayment for the portion of my attorney’s fees that you owe. My attorney advised me to wait until my Chapter 13 bankruptcy is finished, then we plan on filing a motion with Judge Pomerantz to show cause for contempt of court as to why you haven't made an attempt in over a year to cure this debt. We will be asking for attorney's fees should it come
to that, and I am told that should be about another $3,000. This is not meant as a threat, I’m just telling you the game plan. However, should you formulate a plan of repayment promptly, and start sending me payments on a regular basis I will accept your plan, without interest. I too want to avoid additional costly legal fees, both for me and for you. Should we go to court, legal interest would most likely accrue. In any case, the judgment payments will not be reported to the District Attorney because they would not be for child support.
My feedback...
How about again just asking me my plans rather than sticking it to me with your "game plan". It is indeed a threat. This last bit of news is a complete shocker to me. It was my understanding it was also coming out of the amount you owed me. That's what my attorney (Hoskin) shared with me at the time. So, I was under the understanding that it was not an issue. However, since it is and you have now brought it to my attention, we can work something out, however with child support and everything else that you say you can't do anything about, it won't be much. JUST ASK ME! But no, it's so much better for you to be underhanded and weasel your way back into court to obtain even more money because that is how you operate from your note above. You haven't once mentioned this payment/debt to me. Interesting how now that you're filing bankruptcy you are ready and willing to go back to court and sue for fees and interest. Very timely indeed.
Please explain to me how you will address it with the girls when I can't afford to fly them here to see me or their other siblings. Between a payment plan with you and child support payments, it is a slim to none chance that I will be able to purchase flights.
Basically, my ex called the state to collect child support because I didn't respond fast enough to his inquiries...he never put a time limit, but that didn't enter into the conversation. I shouldn't be surprised because that's how he operates. However, as of July 6, my drivers license will be revoked.
This is an email string between my rat ex and myself regarding child support. The carroted statements are by him and you can see the interjection of my comments in between...it's a rough cut of the emails. First piece is my initial email to him and the 2nd piece is his response and then I interjected thoughts that I responded back to him with.
; -----Original Message-----
From: Sherri Mcvey [mailto:sherri@metaforge.net] Sent: Friday, June 18, 2010 4:44 PM
To: J.F.
Subject: Child Support
J.,
We need to have a discussion about the child support. I'm about to outline a couple of items and I would hope that you would think back to my own generosity to you over the years, especially considering the money that you still owe me and that you did not pay child support for so long.
Here's the situation...
1. I don't understand why you wouldn't work with me directly and that you would involve the state in our business, especially regarding child support. There is absolutely no good reason for this and frankly has held up so many things. However, since you have, if I pay you, according to the paperwork that I received, my payments won't count.
2. I have responded to all the paperwork by the state asking for a payment plan and yet, on July 6, they will revoke my driver's license due to lack of payment. I also responded to the wage garnishment, which is totally ridiculous but if that makes you happy, then fine, but as you will see below, there are other items to be addressed. Consequently, I did get the notification of wage garnishment, however, no garnish has ever occurred. The state has all of my employer info, so this should not be an issue. Besides that my attorney said all they have to do is pull up my social security number and they can access anything they want. I have faxed all the information and yet, no one will call me back from the state. I just get nasty letters about what I haven't done, which is not true. Again, you didn't work with me, so my choices are very limited.
3. I cannot afford to pay you the amount. Even though it's none of your business, our homes are going into foreclosure. We will try to short sell them, but with the Vegas economy, I feel as though it won't work. I would hope that you and I could come to an agreement that works for everyone without involving the state. If I could even pay you the full amount, the result would be that I cannot afford to fly the girls here and certainly we could not afford to do much while they were here. Right now, which, from my perspective is not the case for you, we have to think twice about ordering a pizza let alone trying to do something with the girls. They want to kayak this summer and I need to figure out a way that I can do it. All that said, if we can come to an agreement, we would set up an automatic bill pay to you.
> These are just the facts John. All of this has been unfortunate. I'm doing the best I can and will be more than happy to try to work something out. However, if my driver's license gets revoked, even after I have requested a payment plan via fax (which I'd be happy to supply to you) I would like you to explain why to the girls. You'll need to explain to them why Chip will be picking them up and taking them to the airport when I have done my due diligence to correct the situation with the state. Furthermore, if I can't drive, that impacts my job, which doesn't help the situation either.
In addition, if at all possible due to costs, I would not like to have to involve attorneys other than basic items or writing up paperwork. I simply can't afford to spend any more money.
I also received your bankruptcy information as did Chip. Why were both of us notified?
Please respond to this email in the next 5 days if possible with information about the state and/or your response.
Thanks
J.F. wrote:
June 22, 2010
Sherri,
This letter is in response to your June 18, 2010 email about child support.You start by reminding me of your generosity over the years including a loan
that you made to me and that I did not pay child support “for so long”. I
don’t think rehashing the past is generally productive, except, of course
that I do try to dwell on the good things you have done for me. That helps
me foster cordial feelings towards you so that we can more easily work together as good parents whose primary goal is the welfare of our daughters.I assume you do much the same.
My feedback...
The only reason I have any sort of connection to you is because of our daughters. I'm certain you're choosing to ignore/not rehash the past. Perhaps it's because you selectively remember things and it would require you to face the fact that I was generous and took the high road every time and DID NOT involve the state in our matters. Maybe that's just hard for you to remember because you have no inclination to do anything nice or good for me and was very quick to involve the state.
J.F.':
In any case, I gratefully acknowledge that you have at times been generous to me and I also For example, at the time of our divorce, I willingly agreed to pay all of your expenses for 2 years including all costs for a nearly new car that we had just purchased and all of your rent and utilities even though my attorney told me I need not, in fact should not, agree to such terms. When you moved to Reno, you took me to family court asking not only for full custody of our girls but also for repayment of arrears child support and the loan you made me.
My feedback...
I thought you didn't want to rehash the past. Hmmm. You bought your way out of the marriage. Pure and simple. Your choice. You were probably distracted with your sexual relationship with Jennifer. Its not my fault that you didn't follow your attorney's advice. Besides, it bought you a way to keep the business and the house. Don't forget those important details too. If you are still hung up on that, that sounds like your harbor quite ill feelings for me. You made the offer and I accepted. Little do people know who they are dealing with. I took you to family court because just as we went to mediation in the past, you are completely closed minded to anything but what JOHN wants. No matter how it impacts anyone else. That was clear from the first conversation that we had about where the girls would be that you were very unwilling to negotiate anything.
J.F.:
With the court order of March 10, 2009 any previous child support, insurance requests, etc. have been settled. You were awarded 18 months of the back child support you asked for. Said back child support that I owe was to be reduced by the monthly child support you owe me until my 18 months of back support were paid in full. That back child support I owed you was paid off during the first week of April 2010. The loan you made to me was not
included in that court order because you did not present data to support it.
My feedback...
The courts are charging me all the way back to January the full amount. If I could possibly get anyone on the phone perhaps I could correct that. I have sent a fax, but again no answer. Clearly you're saying this isn't your problem, but it really is. Until it gets straightened out so I can begin making some sort of payment (even though the child support office wants the full amount), you don't get paid. All I want is corrected numbers and clear answers. I was hopeful that you would be nice and work with me on the amount. My fault for again trying to work things out amicably.
J.F.:
In regards to your Item 1: You say that you wish that I would have contacted you directly about the child support you own me and not involved “the state in our business”. I did contact you directly to resolve this. On Sep 22, 2009 I mailed you a letter (see attached) with a spreadsheet detailing what I owed you and what you owe me. On October 2, 2009 I received an email from your husband Chip (see attached) stating my letter was received and he says he will get back with me. In that email he stated he would address 1/2 of the insurance (that was already brought up in court and resolved) as part of his review. I was married to you, not Chip, so I have no interest in dealing with him. That was last October and I have not heard from him (or you) about this matter since.
My feedback...
Chip carries the insurance. He has to get the information via his VPN system and his HR and have the documentation provided to us, which is what was said in court. I don't believe our order says there is a time limit on this. You could have also asked me to communicate with you, but his message was meant to try and work peacefully. I AM married to Chip and if I choose to let him/have him speak on my behalf, that is my choice. I was not aware that you were waiting for anything from me or that there was any time limit. I did get your spreadsheet and in fact submitted it to the child support office as back up to a) prove that I don't owe back to January and b) that I do believe it to be correct, except the health insurance stuff.
J.F.:
Rest assured that I also wish that we could have resolved this issue without my having had to go to the District Attorney for help. After waiting months for your reply, I felt I had no choice but to protect the girls’ interests as best I could. Contacting the District Attorney seemed and seems the best way for me to secure the court ordered child support.
My feedback...
I'm not quite understanding this piece of your message. Perhaps I'm too stupid to get it, but what were you expecting for a reply? Again, the insurance is not carried by me and I cannot control the time it takes to get documentation. How about letting me know that if whatever it is you wanted answered wasn't that you were going to the state? How about that courtesy? After all, I did bail you out of jail for child support non payment to Marie and oh yeah, you slept on our couch when you and Marie were fighting. Oh yeah, you also sued me for custody when you and Marie were married. So, apparently all of that was meaningless to you.
J.F.
In regards to your Item 2: You say that you have responded to the State with payment plans but it has made no reply. Furthermore, the State has said it will revoke your driver’s license on July 6 due to lack of payment of the child support. Also, you have received a notice of wage garnishment but no garnish has occurred to date. I, of course, cannot control how a state agency conducts their business. I do not have authority to tell them what to do. However, it is my understanding that they just want to see you paying on a regular basis.
While I can see why you want to establish a payment plan before you write a check, it seems that time is of the essence and making an attempt to pay something may well allow you to keep your license. Revoking your driver’s license is their punishment to get you to pay, not to get you to try to create a plan.
My feedback...
If I can't speak to anyone about garnishment or payment, what exactly do you expect me to do? You could control the situation by saying that you and I will work together to take care of the situation and take the state out of it. You could also attempt to assist me in getting help with the state. I don't see any sort of suggestion to that in this message, which may be a logical step in the right direction. Again, you show no generosity or assistance to me.
J.F.:
Since you are having trouble getting explanations or, for that matter, any response from the State, I will share the District Attorney's procedure in this case as the staff has explained it to me.
My feedback...
REALLY!?! That's interesting since I can't get my caseworker, Ms. Carpenter to speak to me, respond to a fax or get a call back. That's very interesting that they would lay out the process to you.
J.F.:
The Clark County District Attorney's office offers a public service to collect child support. Because you live out of jurisdiction of Clark County, they can only do a wage garnishment and/or ask the State to revoke your driver’s license. Should child support continue to not be paid after the drivers license revocation, the District Attorney will transfer this case to the Washoe County District Attorney's office, in your jurisdiction, and proceed to serve you for contempt of court to have you show cause for failure to pay child support. This would happen in the Reno court system, with a Reno judge deciding the outcome.
J.F.:
Well, I guess if I can't get anyone to reply, I'll have to wait for that and just endure a driver's license revocation. However, I will again remind you that no wage garnishment has occurred and they have me in arrears since January. There is no way for me to make that payment and the paperwork states that I must be caught up. So...what would you suggest? Also, not having a drivers license could potentially result in me losing my job since I can't go to meetings. I suppose that would put us back in court since then I would be generating no income.
J.F.:
In regards to your Item 3: I am sorry to hear of your financial issues. Unfortunately, I cannot negotiate a court ordered payment. It is what it is, by law. My suggestion is that you start sending something to the District Attorney on a regular basis.
My feedback...
You have control to remove the state from our situation. You could indeed negotiate a court ordered payment if you wanted to and paperwork could be filed. But again, you only are out for your interests. You and I both know this is possible. After all I said that you could have a short reprieve of child support and you didn't pay for over 5 years. So yes, it can be changed and negotiated. You and I can make any decision we want and have paperwork filed to show what we want. So, please don't insult my intelligence by saying otherwise.
J.F.:
Unfortunately, I too have been affected by the recession. You and Chip received the bankruptcy information because I listed the promissory note, and any/all non-child support amounts, as a debt to be considered for discharge. In the March 10, 2009 court order, the judge legally settled any/all past child support I owe you, and with this Chapter13 filing, any
non-child support related debt I may owe you up until June 9, 2010 will be
considered for discharge.
Lastly, in addition to the back child support you owe, we need to create a plan for the $3,500 judgment repayment for the portion of my attorney’s fees that you owe. My attorney advised me to wait until my Chapter 13 bankruptcy is finished, then we plan on filing a motion with Judge Pomerantz to show cause for contempt of court as to why you haven't made an attempt in over a year to cure this debt. We will be asking for attorney's fees should it come
to that, and I am told that should be about another $3,000. This is not meant as a threat, I’m just telling you the game plan. However, should you formulate a plan of repayment promptly, and start sending me payments on a regular basis I will accept your plan, without interest. I too want to avoid additional costly legal fees, both for me and for you. Should we go to court, legal interest would most likely accrue. In any case, the judgment payments will not be reported to the District Attorney because they would not be for child support.
My feedback...
How about again just asking me my plans rather than sticking it to me with your "game plan". It is indeed a threat. This last bit of news is a complete shocker to me. It was my understanding it was also coming out of the amount you owed me. That's what my attorney (Hoskin) shared with me at the time. So, I was under the understanding that it was not an issue. However, since it is and you have now brought it to my attention, we can work something out, however with child support and everything else that you say you can't do anything about, it won't be much. JUST ASK ME! But no, it's so much better for you to be underhanded and weasel your way back into court to obtain even more money because that is how you operate from your note above. You haven't once mentioned this payment/debt to me. Interesting how now that you're filing bankruptcy you are ready and willing to go back to court and sue for fees and interest. Very timely indeed.
Please explain to me how you will address it with the girls when I can't afford to fly them here to see me or their other siblings. Between a payment plan with you and child support payments, it is a slim to none chance that I will be able to purchase flights.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
38 wks and 6 days - Carter ARRIVES on 6/3/2010
(This post is long and graphically talks about childbirth)
I had just posted a couple of days ago and was complaining about my uncomfortable self...well, I woke up at 4 a.m. or so on Thursday, June 3. Pretty soon I felt my back hurt. Contractions. Not too bad then. Called the doctor about 5 or so after waking Chip to tell him something was up. Dr. Najima told me to take a shower, take some Tylenol and see if I felt better. She had asked me about my last appointment, which had been the day before. Dr. F. was confident I would make it to my scheduled c-section date of June 7. His position was if I carried triplets to 34 weeks, he felt fairly certain I could carry this little guy until 39 weeks.
After awhile, around 6:30 or so the contractions were far more intense and coming much closer together. Neither Chip nor I was prepared for the morning we were about to have. I was in pain and felt sure that today would be the day that I would have a c-section and then the fun would begin with the healing process and stumbling through having 4 kids under the age of 3 along with all of our other day to day things that with triplets just never seemed to get done. At least I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. That was a plus.
Within the next hour or so, the contractions were so painful and probably no more than 5 minutes apart. I told Chip to call Brandi. He called her. In the meantime I tried to put stuff in a bag and so did Chip. We weren't prepared and I was hoping that it would take my mind off the fact that I was in incredible pain every 5 minutes for approximately 1 minute. It felt like every minute until Brandi arrived to care for the boys was an eternity. She arrived at about 7:30. We left immediately. I had also called the doctor again and said we were on our way.
Unfortunately for us, Vista, our main street out of Red Hawk was being widened and much of it was down to one lane. Chip went up and over the hill. I was in agony sitting in the car seat and again, it felt like an eternity as we stared at the Raley's parking lot, I squeezed his hand off during a contraction and he went for it and tried to go through the parking lot, but ROAD CLOSED!!! Oh my god, I felt like I was going to die with every bump and stop and go. Of course it has to be during rush hour traffic as well. It was truly all I could do to not scream at him to drive faster. Either scream at him or the traffic. I didn't do either, but boy it was hard. So as fast as we could...roughly 40 minutes we arrived at Renown. We checked in at 8:10. I was standing and trying to walk. It was hard, but it was better than sitting. I was still thinking they'd take me right in and get this c-section going...oh no, that was not to be.
I met Erin and Robin (delivery nurses) right away. I stripped down and was begging for drugs to help take the edge off the contractions. They did give me some fentanyl via IV to take the edge off of my contractions. Immediately I was loopy, but better. It didn't take the pain away, but at least took the edge off. Then my doctor came in. Dr. F wasn't the warmest guy, but I totally felt great about his quality of care. He was just fairly procedural. Chip called it scientific. I think he's spot on. Anyway, the nurse had checked me at about 8:20 and I was dilated to 4-5 centimeters and about 80% effaced. 20 minutes later I was dilated to 8 centimeters. I was fighting contraction pain and the kick of the fentanyl wasn't touching the pain. By now, my delivery team and doctor tell me that there's really no time for a c-section and we'll go for a VBAC. I asked for an epidural and was hanging on for the anethesiologist to come in after being in a c-section. Meanwhile I was yelling pretty loud. I felt a little embarrassed, but the pain was so great it just happened with each contraction. Chip was right there and held my hand as I tried to keep control of myself with each contraction. I'm fairly sure that I squeezed it pretty hard.
The next thing I know my water breaks. Well...no epidural. Everything will be natural and should happen within a short time. I was panicking in my mind because I had not prepared myself for natural childbirth. In my mind, it was supposed to be methodic and scheduled. I was most concerned about my recovery and having small children. I asked nurse Erin what it would be like. She said "think ring of fire". I said aloud "I don't know if I can do this" and started to cry. Still trying manage getting through contractions that seemed to be one after another. Meanwhile, my doctor was there for quite some time and didn't say much. That was a little strange, but he was watching and waiting. Robin and Erin were very much in control of the situation. Chip was still letting me squeeze his hand off and talking to me. Telling me that I COULD do it. Then it was time to push. I was yelling my head off. I would make it through that contraction and felt bad for about 2 seconds. I remember apologizing for being so noisy. Then it came again. My body seemed to do what it was supposed to do. Erin and Robin were telling me to hold my breath. I was crying and yelling at the same time. I couldn't put it all together in my mind to make it all work. It felt surreal. I could hear everything, or at least I felt like I could, but I couldn't follow the instructions of anyone. Perhaps at that point my doctor said something, but I'm not sure. I could understand what was being said. The execution wasn't there. So after a bit more time I could hear Erin telling me to try to not scream, but to hold my breathe and use that force. I finally tried to focus on that. I went for it and I could sort of hear Chip telling me I was almost there. I tried again with all the force I had. Then once again. Then I see this baby on me. He had a full head of dark hair, wet and curly. His little cry made me cry. He was born at 9:17 a.m. and weighed in at a hefty 7 lbs. 10 oz. The biggest baby I've ever had.
I felt immediate relief physically, but was incredibly emotional. Chip cut the cord and little Carter was out in the world! From there on, it was an odd experience because I had Kaitlyn and Gillian vaginally, but had epidurals. So it was both painful and a new experience to have all the after stuff that happens going on. Some stitches were needed. That was somewhat painful, but my doctor was generous with the local every time I complained. I was so wrapped up in everything else, that I didn't realize that all of the events from walking into the hospital to the completion of the birth was approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes. Before long I was transferred to postpartum. Audrey was our first visitor and brought a little platypus for Carter that is blue with huge eyes. It's cute. She brought a turkey sandwich for Chip. I was starving by then, but nothing looked too appealing.
When I went to postpartum, it was to a wing of the hospital that was typically closed because all other rooms were being used. It looked fairly dated and was small. Poor Chip had a cot which didn't look very comfy. The hospital bed wasn't all that great either, but both of us were tired. I was a little disappointed because I had heard that there were "suites" and this definitely was not what I would classify as a suite. A few hours later we were moved and it was a beautiful suite with a great view and very spacious. The convertible bed for Chip really didn't look any more comfortable than the cot. In fact it looked more firm. The poor guy still managed to sleep on it. He had gone home for a few hours to check on the boys and be there until bed time. It was good that he could. I was incredibly grateful to not have had a c-section and be dealing with a surgical recovery.
I found myself very emotional as the night wore on. I've struggled with depression and particularly after my babies. It was a bit of the aftermath of birth and the surges of hormones I think. There were just so many thoughts running through my head that I couldn't seem to shut off. My night nurse Shelly came in to check on me and ended up staying for quite awhile. She shared with me her postpartum depression experience. There was a lot of weeping from me. We shared our histories and it just meant so much to me to connect with her. Every single person I came in contact with from the engineer who fixed the TV to the CNAs and nurses were so compassionate and just really nice. It was a far cry from the nursing staff in Vegas when we had the boys.
We decided to head home the next day instead of staying 2 days in the hospital. I was really unsure about that, but also felt the need to be at home.
I had just posted a couple of days ago and was complaining about my uncomfortable self...well, I woke up at 4 a.m. or so on Thursday, June 3. Pretty soon I felt my back hurt. Contractions. Not too bad then. Called the doctor about 5 or so after waking Chip to tell him something was up. Dr. Najima told me to take a shower, take some Tylenol and see if I felt better. She had asked me about my last appointment, which had been the day before. Dr. F. was confident I would make it to my scheduled c-section date of June 7. His position was if I carried triplets to 34 weeks, he felt fairly certain I could carry this little guy until 39 weeks.
After awhile, around 6:30 or so the contractions were far more intense and coming much closer together. Neither Chip nor I was prepared for the morning we were about to have. I was in pain and felt sure that today would be the day that I would have a c-section and then the fun would begin with the healing process and stumbling through having 4 kids under the age of 3 along with all of our other day to day things that with triplets just never seemed to get done. At least I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. That was a plus.
Within the next hour or so, the contractions were so painful and probably no more than 5 minutes apart. I told Chip to call Brandi. He called her. In the meantime I tried to put stuff in a bag and so did Chip. We weren't prepared and I was hoping that it would take my mind off the fact that I was in incredible pain every 5 minutes for approximately 1 minute. It felt like every minute until Brandi arrived to care for the boys was an eternity. She arrived at about 7:30. We left immediately. I had also called the doctor again and said we were on our way.
Unfortunately for us, Vista, our main street out of Red Hawk was being widened and much of it was down to one lane. Chip went up and over the hill. I was in agony sitting in the car seat and again, it felt like an eternity as we stared at the Raley's parking lot, I squeezed his hand off during a contraction and he went for it and tried to go through the parking lot, but ROAD CLOSED!!! Oh my god, I felt like I was going to die with every bump and stop and go. Of course it has to be during rush hour traffic as well. It was truly all I could do to not scream at him to drive faster. Either scream at him or the traffic. I didn't do either, but boy it was hard. So as fast as we could...roughly 40 minutes we arrived at Renown. We checked in at 8:10. I was standing and trying to walk. It was hard, but it was better than sitting. I was still thinking they'd take me right in and get this c-section going...oh no, that was not to be.
I met Erin and Robin (delivery nurses) right away. I stripped down and was begging for drugs to help take the edge off the contractions. They did give me some fentanyl via IV to take the edge off of my contractions. Immediately I was loopy, but better. It didn't take the pain away, but at least took the edge off. Then my doctor came in. Dr. F wasn't the warmest guy, but I totally felt great about his quality of care. He was just fairly procedural. Chip called it scientific. I think he's spot on. Anyway, the nurse had checked me at about 8:20 and I was dilated to 4-5 centimeters and about 80% effaced. 20 minutes later I was dilated to 8 centimeters. I was fighting contraction pain and the kick of the fentanyl wasn't touching the pain. By now, my delivery team and doctor tell me that there's really no time for a c-section and we'll go for a VBAC. I asked for an epidural and was hanging on for the anethesiologist to come in after being in a c-section. Meanwhile I was yelling pretty loud. I felt a little embarrassed, but the pain was so great it just happened with each contraction. Chip was right there and held my hand as I tried to keep control of myself with each contraction. I'm fairly sure that I squeezed it pretty hard.
The next thing I know my water breaks. Well...no epidural. Everything will be natural and should happen within a short time. I was panicking in my mind because I had not prepared myself for natural childbirth. In my mind, it was supposed to be methodic and scheduled. I was most concerned about my recovery and having small children. I asked nurse Erin what it would be like. She said "think ring of fire". I said aloud "I don't know if I can do this" and started to cry. Still trying manage getting through contractions that seemed to be one after another. Meanwhile, my doctor was there for quite some time and didn't say much. That was a little strange, but he was watching and waiting. Robin and Erin were very much in control of the situation. Chip was still letting me squeeze his hand off and talking to me. Telling me that I COULD do it. Then it was time to push. I was yelling my head off. I would make it through that contraction and felt bad for about 2 seconds. I remember apologizing for being so noisy. Then it came again. My body seemed to do what it was supposed to do. Erin and Robin were telling me to hold my breath. I was crying and yelling at the same time. I couldn't put it all together in my mind to make it all work. It felt surreal. I could hear everything, or at least I felt like I could, but I couldn't follow the instructions of anyone. Perhaps at that point my doctor said something, but I'm not sure. I could understand what was being said. The execution wasn't there. So after a bit more time I could hear Erin telling me to try to not scream, but to hold my breathe and use that force. I finally tried to focus on that. I went for it and I could sort of hear Chip telling me I was almost there. I tried again with all the force I had. Then once again. Then I see this baby on me. He had a full head of dark hair, wet and curly. His little cry made me cry. He was born at 9:17 a.m. and weighed in at a hefty 7 lbs. 10 oz. The biggest baby I've ever had.
I felt immediate relief physically, but was incredibly emotional. Chip cut the cord and little Carter was out in the world! From there on, it was an odd experience because I had Kaitlyn and Gillian vaginally, but had epidurals. So it was both painful and a new experience to have all the after stuff that happens going on. Some stitches were needed. That was somewhat painful, but my doctor was generous with the local every time I complained. I was so wrapped up in everything else, that I didn't realize that all of the events from walking into the hospital to the completion of the birth was approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes. Before long I was transferred to postpartum. Audrey was our first visitor and brought a little platypus for Carter that is blue with huge eyes. It's cute. She brought a turkey sandwich for Chip. I was starving by then, but nothing looked too appealing.
When I went to postpartum, it was to a wing of the hospital that was typically closed because all other rooms were being used. It looked fairly dated and was small. Poor Chip had a cot which didn't look very comfy. The hospital bed wasn't all that great either, but both of us were tired. I was a little disappointed because I had heard that there were "suites" and this definitely was not what I would classify as a suite. A few hours later we were moved and it was a beautiful suite with a great view and very spacious. The convertible bed for Chip really didn't look any more comfortable than the cot. In fact it looked more firm. The poor guy still managed to sleep on it. He had gone home for a few hours to check on the boys and be there until bed time. It was good that he could. I was incredibly grateful to not have had a c-section and be dealing with a surgical recovery.
I found myself very emotional as the night wore on. I've struggled with depression and particularly after my babies. It was a bit of the aftermath of birth and the surges of hormones I think. There were just so many thoughts running through my head that I couldn't seem to shut off. My night nurse Shelly came in to check on me and ended up staying for quite awhile. She shared with me her postpartum depression experience. There was a lot of weeping from me. We shared our histories and it just meant so much to me to connect with her. Every single person I came in contact with from the engineer who fixed the TV to the CNAs and nurses were so compassionate and just really nice. It was a far cry from the nursing staff in Vegas when we had the boys.
We decided to head home the next day instead of staying 2 days in the hospital. I was really unsure about that, but also felt the need to be at home.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
6/2 - 38 1/2 weeks...1st week off of work for maternity leave
Miserable. In pain. Can't sleep....same as most women. I shouldn't complain, but wow, not fun.
Glad to be on leave, but feel very insecure about work. I think it's a little separation anxiety. A little bit of guilt over not getting more done. Still have an expense report and a few other items to finish.
Still about 22lbs. weight gain and craving sugar and Mexican food. Well, I guess you can call Del Taco "Mexican Food".
Last doctor's appointment today...we're in the home stretch. Thank god!
Glad to be on leave, but feel very insecure about work. I think it's a little separation anxiety. A little bit of guilt over not getting more done. Still have an expense report and a few other items to finish.
Still about 22lbs. weight gain and craving sugar and Mexican food. Well, I guess you can call Del Taco "Mexican Food".
Last doctor's appointment today...we're in the home stretch. Thank god!
6/1 - Little boy milestones....
Ben sat on the potty tonight and little, itty bitty poo ended up in the frog potty. It's very humorous really, but he was wailing like crazy because daddy slapped him on the pot when he appeared to be trying to poop. It's crazy around here where poop is concerned. Each boy judges the other as to whether or not they "took a dump" "so and so has a nuuuuuuuget". Sometimes RyRy just has a "tail". Daddy has made it a game and it's funny. What's not so funny is the diaper rash and the constipation that we continually suffer. We should have bought stock in the MiraLax company.
We are so proud of Ben for sitting on the potty, but man he wailed the whole way. Even when we rewarded with M&Ms and a Hershey bar. Holy crap he had melted chocolate all over his hand, still crying and it became sorta comical. Ryan was crying with sympathy and Gary was hurrying right out of his diaper to get M&Ms. It was so funny but yet mixed with mayhem and chaos all at once.
Before all of this, Chip went to get them up this morning and since we've changed the room into toddler beds only. I mean just toddler beds, a couple of blankets, one stuffed animal and milk cups. Somehow they managed to move the beds to the center of the room. The beds no longer have wheels on the bottom. I couldn't believe it myself.
So back to bedtime we go. Boys go to bed and screw off. Slamming the blinds open and closed because that's all there is in the room. Flipping the mattress over to the wrong side. Again, because that's all there is in the room. No dresser, no nothing. So Chip goes up when the noise level was getting elevated. What do you know...beds in smashed in the corner and 2 of 3 boys with full diapers. Now it's only been about 1 hour since they went to bed. Everyone clean, blankets and goodnight kisses.
Chip and I look at each other and wonder what the hell we're doing. It keeps us so busy it's exhausting. Throw in jobs, the girls who aren't here and one more on the way...oh MY goodness. It seems almost too much for us. We wearily eat dinner, which is usually cheese and crackers, cereal, or some frozen thing and vegetate in front of the TV. Here it is almost 10:30 and we're in bed, trying to geek out, watch TV and rest a little before we start again tomorrow. Every day is very similar to today. Sometimes they are so much worse. The whining and crying drive me crazy and hauling my pregnant self around makes it pretty unpleasant.
I still believe without a doubt that I would not change a thing. Every day is a challenge some days worse than others. I love having this family, but man. I need to vent...thank you blog for my little place in the world to talk it out of my head.
We are so proud of Ben for sitting on the potty, but man he wailed the whole way. Even when we rewarded with M&Ms and a Hershey bar. Holy crap he had melted chocolate all over his hand, still crying and it became sorta comical. Ryan was crying with sympathy and Gary was hurrying right out of his diaper to get M&Ms. It was so funny but yet mixed with mayhem and chaos all at once.
Before all of this, Chip went to get them up this morning and since we've changed the room into toddler beds only. I mean just toddler beds, a couple of blankets, one stuffed animal and milk cups. Somehow they managed to move the beds to the center of the room. The beds no longer have wheels on the bottom. I couldn't believe it myself.
So back to bedtime we go. Boys go to bed and screw off. Slamming the blinds open and closed because that's all there is in the room. Flipping the mattress over to the wrong side. Again, because that's all there is in the room. No dresser, no nothing. So Chip goes up when the noise level was getting elevated. What do you know...beds in smashed in the corner and 2 of 3 boys with full diapers. Now it's only been about 1 hour since they went to bed. Everyone clean, blankets and goodnight kisses.
Chip and I look at each other and wonder what the hell we're doing. It keeps us so busy it's exhausting. Throw in jobs, the girls who aren't here and one more on the way...oh MY goodness. It seems almost too much for us. We wearily eat dinner, which is usually cheese and crackers, cereal, or some frozen thing and vegetate in front of the TV. Here it is almost 10:30 and we're in bed, trying to geek out, watch TV and rest a little before we start again tomorrow. Every day is very similar to today. Sometimes they are so much worse. The whining and crying drive me crazy and hauling my pregnant self around makes it pretty unpleasant.
I still believe without a doubt that I would not change a thing. Every day is a challenge some days worse than others. I love having this family, but man. I need to vent...thank you blog for my little place in the world to talk it out of my head.
Memorial Day Weekend - 5/31
Girls are here! It's been since April 4 since I've seen them. ..fight with Kaitlyn over her hair.
I'm totally nesting. Got all the baby clothes washed and things sort of cleaned out. Chip was concerned at all I was doing, but I just felt like I needed to do it.
We didn't go to Winnemucca. It was just too hard to cart everyone over there. I was a bit sad because I wanted to go to the cemetery. It's been a year. The other part of the sadness is that I really wanted to see my grandparents. Last year over Memorial Day was the last time and I'm not sure when we'll be able to see them again. I tried to Skype with Grammy, but mom's bandwidth was just difficult. It was all pixelated. At least she got to see the boys. Especially Ryan. He was a ham and said "Hi Grammy"! Kari and Heather were there since Heather is moving to the Sacramento area. They came through town after the weekend, but never stopped or sent a message. That was a bummer. I can understand that they weren't going to stop since Garrett and River were with them, but a message would have been nice. I emailed with Kari after and shared my feelings. That's enough.
Girls spent a good amount of time with their friends, but it was fantastic to spend time as a family as well. It was the beginning weekend of my maternity leave off. I did a lot, probably more than I should have. It was all nesting I'm sure.
Took the boys to the park both days. It was great, but tiring for me.
Fired up the fire pit for the first time in 2 years! Had a great time making s'mores. It was really nice to do that with just the girls and their friends.
Made the executive decision to buy a grill. Kaitlyn and I went to Lowe's and did some other errands. Lowe's had them pre assembled, so away we went!
As always it was very hard to take the girls to the airport. Flight delayed and a lot of sitting. I'm very uncomfortable these days, but wow...I feel a lot of guilt over moving. I feel guilt because of the time I miss with them, the disconnection that I often feel and constant coming and going on my end. Perhaps this decision was not a good one. I think I'm feeling some very strong emotions right now, but damn it I just don't know what to do next about the girls. Instinctually I want to fight for them and never stop. However, I feel guilty over not paying child support yet. I have asked for a payment plan. Then the anger sets in from their father not paying for so many years. Arrrgghhh! It's just too much. Right now may not be the best time to be thinking about this....
I'm totally nesting. Got all the baby clothes washed and things sort of cleaned out. Chip was concerned at all I was doing, but I just felt like I needed to do it.
We didn't go to Winnemucca. It was just too hard to cart everyone over there. I was a bit sad because I wanted to go to the cemetery. It's been a year. The other part of the sadness is that I really wanted to see my grandparents. Last year over Memorial Day was the last time and I'm not sure when we'll be able to see them again. I tried to Skype with Grammy, but mom's bandwidth was just difficult. It was all pixelated. At least she got to see the boys. Especially Ryan. He was a ham and said "Hi Grammy"! Kari and Heather were there since Heather is moving to the Sacramento area. They came through town after the weekend, but never stopped or sent a message. That was a bummer. I can understand that they weren't going to stop since Garrett and River were with them, but a message would have been nice. I emailed with Kari after and shared my feelings. That's enough.
Girls spent a good amount of time with their friends, but it was fantastic to spend time as a family as well. It was the beginning weekend of my maternity leave off. I did a lot, probably more than I should have. It was all nesting I'm sure.
Took the boys to the park both days. It was great, but tiring for me.
Fired up the fire pit for the first time in 2 years! Had a great time making s'mores. It was really nice to do that with just the girls and their friends.
Made the executive decision to buy a grill. Kaitlyn and I went to Lowe's and did some other errands. Lowe's had them pre assembled, so away we went!
As always it was very hard to take the girls to the airport. Flight delayed and a lot of sitting. I'm very uncomfortable these days, but wow...I feel a lot of guilt over moving. I feel guilt because of the time I miss with them, the disconnection that I often feel and constant coming and going on my end. Perhaps this decision was not a good one. I think I'm feeling some very strong emotions right now, but damn it I just don't know what to do next about the girls. Instinctually I want to fight for them and never stop. However, I feel guilty over not paying child support yet. I have asked for a payment plan. Then the anger sets in from their father not paying for so many years. Arrrgghhh! It's just too much. Right now may not be the best time to be thinking about this....
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