5/15 - Before Baby Shower

Mom come from Winnemucca. It was great to see her! It had been since the end of January since she'd visited. The boys, although a little bit confused at first, were all over seeing grandma fairly quickly. On 5/14, Kristy posted on my FB page to call her "tomorrow" before 3, so that meant today before 3. Mom was in the shower and I was getting myself ready. It was really hard for me because I have so much animosity towards her. It's probably built up so much now that it's not very nice. I'll admit that much. Kristy said she was really sad she wasn't going to be able to be here for the shower. I told her I agreed. Then she told me a coworker had gall bladder surgery and that it just wasn't going to happen. I told her I didn't like it, but that's life. I was pretty frank, but could've said SO much more but didn't because she got the point of what I felt and I felt like I made myself clear. She herself brought up many more items than I would have. Finally I said it is what it is. She communicated that I couldn't possibly understand how hard it was for her. I think I absolutely can, but did not argue the point. Does that make me weak or strong? Sometimes I'm just not sure. The whole situation with my family is so frustrating. My perspective is that we up and moved to depend on them and here we are. On an island. There's always an excuse. ALWAYS. It's financial, it's work it's time, it's whatever you want to insert. Perhaps it sounds selfish and I certainly don't mean to be, but OMG, I really can't do it anymore. It was so much stress at first, but now it's beyond that. I'm not sure what to call it, but it's beyond that. So the conversation was fairly terse vs. combative. We hung up soon after. Kristy was crying. I was just frustrated.