First 2 weeks with Carter...coming home, depression and lots of new adjustments

We pretty much did all that we needed to do at the hospital. Our nurse and her student again were fabulous! Letty the CNA was also great. They sent us home with a good supply of formula and a package of diapers. That was really helpful since Carter was 4 days early and I hadn't gotten far enough to buy formula. We received some diapers from the baby shower, so that is really nice to have on hand.

After we arrived at home, the boys were really intrigued by their new brother. They really couldn't put together the "baby in the belly" was now "baby in the boppie".

Mom was here and since Carter was born on a Thursday she stayed through the weekend.  It was good to have her here.  When she left my emotions were very open and high.  It was hard because it is just as difficult for Chip as for me.  We had some words last night that didn't help the situation.  I need him to be my rock.  He is my rock but I was needing it at that moment.  

The first days for me have been quite overwhelming. I felt postpartum depression set in almost immediately.  I have been just uncontrollably sad/emotional.  There has been depression in my life for many years that I have proactively treated with therapy and medications.  It has been the best thing for me and for those I care about.  Anyway, I just felt like maybe I couldn't do it.  Could not handle 4 kids under the age of 3 very well and then how could be of quality and truly present to the girls when they get here.  Especially since the little boys are hitting the ego based terrible twos.  I'm sure it could be worse, but multiply by 3 and wow.  Makes me doubt myself. ALOT!

Brandi also is here which is fantastic!  We need her so much.  Hopefully she stays happy.  There are so many times that I wish we could pay her more.  She's a fabulous nanny to our family.  I'm grateful every day that we have her.  I know I couldn't have made it through these first weeks very well without her.

I saw my primary care doc recently about the depression and not sleeping too.  We evaluated the meds and she notice maybe my thyroid was low.  She tweaked the depression meds and the thyroid.  I was weepy and crying through the whole appointment.  It's frustrating to not be able to control the emotional stuff.  The impact on me and my ability to be the best I can for my family is crushing sometimes.

I know it will get better, but man, it's a little rough right now.  Add in the house limbo we're in with the Las Vegas homes and the child support situation...arrgghhh.  I don't know how much I can take and actually deal with.

These first few weeks with Carter have been great.  He's mellow when the little guys are screaming.  He sleeps a lot and gets up about every 3 hours.  He's got a tiny little cry.  It's very sweet and makes my heart melt.  It isn't easy to be up every 3 hours and function.  It's all very worth it.  That I know for sure.  The boys have been a little out of sorts.  We're seeing more tantrums, but I'm not sure if that's just because they are 2 or adjusting to a new family member or both.

One thing is for sure...it's an adventure.