End of January/Very begin of Feb. - Baby thoughts and struggles

It's a new month. Little boy in the tummy is moving around more and more each day. I'm craving so many sweets, carbs and cheese. It's really weird. Tired all the time. This pregnancy is hard and taxing. I'm not sure why. The doctors says it's because I'm almost 38, work full time and have three 2 1/2 yr. olds. Hmmm. Maybe he has a point. Still not connecting with him. (January 25)

I'm constantly concerned with my weight. I had plenty to start with and struggle with sugar cravings. For all I do and have done to be an advocate for whole organic food, I'm sure not living it with my indulgence in Peeps, Rice Crispy treats and cheeseburgers. Just not good. I'll continue to fight it. Maybe there's some deep seated guilt or something going on in my mind that I just haven't figured out yet.

Belly is popping out, I'm averaging about 8 lbs. of weight gain since the beginning. I'd like to stay at 10lbs, but will probably be more at the 15 lb. mark. That will be plenty I think. In order to do that, I'll refer to my earlier comments...I need to get OFF the sugar train. I'm sure I'd feel better too. Add a bit of walking and I'd have it made. Time for action, but the energy is sure lacking.

I've also stayed on my the depression medication the longest with this pregnancy. I'm not sure why that is. I have a few theories....this was a surprise...there's so much more stress in my life...and there's more I suppose. I'm conflicted as to whether to take better care of baby and quit or just do the right thing for me. I really need to give that more thought.

I've ordered a crib, a bouncer and a swing. Makes me wonder why I gave away all the stuff we had. Oh, I don't know...maybe because I thought we were done? Probably! Any way it will be fine. I think we'll turn grandma's room into baby room and then I hope to turn the loft into our office and make our old office a guest room. We'll see. The finances aren't there right now. I'm still stirring the pot with new online businesses to make more money, but again...energy isn't there, but I'm working on it. I think I'm my own biggest critic. Actually I know I am.

Until next time...