Glass Half Full

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately and finally have taken some action! Here's the first one...

So many ideas have been running through my head this last week. I love it when it feels like there are no limits. This particular post is a long one, but then again, my thoughts have been going crazy rattling around in my head.

As most know, we moved to Reno last July and it has been a rough road. Since about last August, my glass has been pretty much half empty. The lists of why is long and distinguished. Lots of financial stress, the terrible move we endured with Puliz moving company, houses in Vegas, the legal battle with John over the girls (and losing the very expensive battle), beginning a new job that I quickly discovered that I'm not truly passionate about, discomfort at learning this new job and not really liking the whole hotel/casino deal, and finally working at an office instead of at home like I had for the last 6 years. Combine that with little free time and consistent weight gain. What a wonderful place to be. Not so much.

This week a childhood friend of my mother's is visiting. Artis and mom have known each other since before kindergarten. Both have seen and been through a lot. Artis was diagnosed about a year ago (I think) with pancreatic cancer which really was a rare bile duct cancer. She's had surgery and is trying to recover. Her cancer cannot be cured. She's optimistic about miracles and experimental treatments, but her doctors have told her that it's terminal. I personally have not spent much time with Artis in my lifetime, but having her here and staying with us has really forced me to think about things in my own life. Observing the various levels of difficulty that she is enduring with doctors, medication, and her body make my life look like a cakewalk. Artis is also battling her illness without any immediate family support.

Over the last few days it has become apparent to me that I clearly have been looking at my life situations as "glass half empty". I've replayed some of my conversations with my family and friends. They've been about how bad things are. How my relationship is broken with the girls, how hard it is to financially recover from the move, how I'm ashamed that I've gained so much weight. Frustration over my job. How dirty my house is and on and on and on.

When Artis arrived this last Wednesday evening, I saw a frail woman who was clearly exhausted by the 8 hour drive she made from Vegas to visit mom. Although I didn't know her well prior to this visit but Artis came right in and felt comfortable talking about her illness and struggles. She asked me to help her with some medication and I did. After Artis went to bed, I was really emotional. Sad for her. It stuck with me through the night. I wondered how I could possibly think for a moment that things were so bad for me when this woman, who has endured enough heartache, and has rebounded from terrible situation countless times, gets terminal cancer.

I went into work the next morning, raw with emotion. Still, I couldn't stop thinking about my own negative thoughts. Everyone I know has been told the sad story of what has happened to my family since the move to Reno. As the workday wore on, began to feel grateful. Grateful for the people in my life, grateful for being employed. Grateful that I can work on repairing the relationship with the girls. Grateful for my amazing husband. Grateful that the people in my life happy and healthy. Grateful that I can turn around weight gain. I know what to do. Although I was really tired the entire day, it was clear that I can't wait another day to try to improve my situations. Life is simply too short. Very cliche I know, but I truly felt and still feel that way.

As mom, Artis and I have talked these last few days, I find that Artis has faith, is optimistic and will talk to me about anything. She puts herself out there. We were talking just last night about home decor and my aspiration to turn my house into a comfy lodgelike environment. I remarked that maybe someday it'll happen when I win the lottery (I don't gamble) and then I'll finally be able to do it. Artis right away jumped in and said that are so many things I can do without a lot of money. She began talking about finding things at yard sales, wrapping twine around vases and ways that I can put nature into my vision of pine cones and rustic furniture. She became passionate about how to do things simply, naturally and creatively. As we talked, I found myself engaged in the conversation but also watching her. She was in the moment. It was a beautiful thing. She's living so in the moment, both mom and Artis are going to teach me how to paint with acrylic paints on a blank canvas. Artis taught mom not too long ago and I'm happy that she's up to it and willing to spend her time doing that rather than something else. I can't wait!

As for myself, I have a renewed commitment for living in Reno, which by the way has been beautiful, and working toward changing the various situations I'm dealing with. Perhaps Artis has impacted me so deeply because I wasn't able (thank goodness) to watch my dad deal with his surgery and cancer. We were busy resting and growing little boys. I guess I've never seen it so closely. I'm trying not to over think it. So, with that, my glass is full!